Finding time & focus for my family

Motherhood is a beautiful word , being a mother made my character develop quickly having  to deal with pregnancy problems is not so good experience for an aspie  its about dealing with mixed up feelings ,overweight &  the pressure  of being a future mom .

It all went so well until labor day , an aspie could not handle pain ,repeated pains makes us so anxious  & worried , my sister did come with me my lovely compassionate sister ,as a doctor herself being with me was a relief , a guarantee  that everything  was going to be ok.

All the pain was gone when I held my son in my arms, something changed in me in these painful moments .I was rewarded by the delivery of my beautiful little angle. he started at once  breast feeding only half hour after he was born , happiness made this moments unforgettable , my whole family was there surrounded by my mom ,sister my dear aunt all familiar faces around me .I was proud & so tired to over think the situation.

A few days later I was taken by surprise by the stress & anxiety of taken care of a new born baby. Something weird also was happening I have to hold him & breast feed him. Holding a child so many times, the crying was annoying .I was on unfriendly environment.

My son has become my life, I spent the time with him observing, obsessed about him worrying, overanxious & overstressed. One of my concerns that hurts me deeply I could not  kiss my son to show affection, I would hold ,feed, change  , bathe him but my mental  state couldn’t let me physically show affection also I didn’t like anyone to kiss him  .it was an aspie overprotective act weighing  every detail  to its full  extent counting all the possibilities & odds  just like  serial sequences in math or physics.

Now my boy is 18yrs old, still I do show attention & care to my sons needs but I just seem indifferent, because physical show of affection is a taboo to me.

Am on an endless cycles of thinking, providing food clothes, telling stories, teaching them many extraordinary things, scientific, linguist. but  I always go to mom to teach me  how to provide an understanding  for my children  to deal  with social conflicts & reading social cues. My mom talked to my sons & showed them a lot of affection with so intensified care because she knew I would not handle this area well. She’s a god send.